Saturday, June 26, 2010

It's not worth it..

I am currently working two jobs. One is at Chick-fil-a and the other is Courtyard by Marriott. It was while I was working at Courtyard that this very subject came up. I was making small talk with a guest who had asked me why I was so tired other then the obvious fact that I had been up all night working. I began to explain to him that I was working two jobs for extra cash flow and that one of my goals was to save money to go visit my sister who is currently living in Hawaii. His response caught me off guard, he simply stated "It's not worth it." My immediate thought was "How can he say that? It's my sister who I haven't seen in a year, and it's Hawaii?!" Before I could even finish my thoughts though he caught the puzzled look on my face and began to explain. "I've spent my whole life on the road for work. I've worked 60hrs plus in one week, and that was if it was a light week. Even when I was at home I was working. I did it because I thought it was what was best for me and my family. But at the end of it all I look back and see all these years and say 'where did they go?' My kids are all grown and starting their adult lives and I missed some of the greatest years with them all for some extra money. So even though it may be worth it for the short term, it's not worth it in the long run."

It was those words that had me thinking all day. He is so right. How many times have you done something for the here and now only to look back and go "you know I should've done this instead of that."? Not only are his words good advice for our everyday physical lives but also for our spiritual lives. Jesus tells us the same thing. Think of how many times in the Bible He mentions that we should not live for the here and now but rather for the future. Some things may be very tempting, but in the end our souls are not worth it...So all of this being said; my advice to you is the next time you make any decision, be it small or large, look at the effects it will have on the long term so that one day you will not look back and say "It was not worth it."

Friday, June 25, 2010

Ramblings about my life...

So here I am on blog spot..Yep you found me! Not real sure why I decided to do this but I guess I figure it might be fun. I tend to think a lot so why not put it out there for the world to see. I also wanted my story to be known to the world.... I was brought up in a crazy home. Most kids were out playing with friends, because it was fun. Not me I was out so that I could hide and have some peace from the chaos. My mother will never admit it but she was very abusive. The worse time was when she was choking the life out of my little sister, scariest day of my life!! Then as a teenager I was not allowed to freely enjoy the normal privileges of life because I was busy doing her job and protecting my sister and the children that she babysat. That also meant no dating if I wanted to live. She about killed me one time for seeing a guy who she didn't know. She even went as far as turning us on our dad. It was completely crazy! The worst part of it was I had no idea until later that this was not normal behaviour; I thought that that was just how life was. Some where during the chaos I began to see a guy who was one of the youth leaders at my church. I thought he was really someone special and that he might possibly be the man I was praying for. I found out shortly after I was wrong..One night as we were waiting for my mom and sis he raped me. It was so horrible. Not only was my mom failing me but now I felt like my church was failing me. It took a long time for me to realized that I had more value then just being a piece of meat. Now lets fast forward some years latter..I married very early someone who was not the best for me or vise versa. So I am 21 on the verge of divorce with a beautiful baby girl. Thank God for my aunt and uncle who took me in because I lost everything. The one wonderful blessing, besides my daughter, that I received from that is my loving hubby James. Now lets fast forward a few years later..We have 3 beautiful children, but we are on the verge of fall out. Our saving grace came in the form of tragedy. Dec 9 2007 is a day we will never forget! I was shot 7 times that night. Not only was it an eye opener it was a healer. It helped mend wounds that would've never been mended....I know that I've been rambling on and on, but I just want everyone to know how happy I am to be here and how I am nothing short of a miracle and survivor. I also want everyone to know that no matter what I know that beyond a shadow of doubt I serve a true and awesome God and he is very real!!